WHY LETTING GO OF "WHY" WILL HELP YOUR LOVED ONE
They tell you not to blame yourself as you didn’t cause your daughter's condition.
You don’t expect anyone to understand. It doesn’t make sense. You keep going over it again and again, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly. You can’t help it. You’d rather not think about it anymore but that dreaded question keeps coming up time and time again: WHY?
You are desperate for an answer. Neither doctors, nor specialists can give you a satisfying answer as the reasons are complex.
And you’ve tried to take that on board. But deep down you wonder if it was you after all. You are hoping that finding an answer will stop you wondering whether you had been a contributing factor...?
Is this driving you insane, asking a question you can never answer?
You are not alone, as I hear this from my clients in my one to one sessions time and time again, whose children are struggling with anxiety or a mental health condition.
Have you ever wondered how getting an answer would help you or your loved one?
Imagine you find out why. You get an answer. How would you know for sure that’s the right answer?
Let’s assume you get the right answer that tells you the reason of your child’s condition.
How and who would that help?
The truth is, we have no control over what happens to us but we have full control of what we do about it. The 1 question you need to be asking is HOW:
How can I help my child / teenager?
How can I be the best support for my child / teenager?
How do I look after myself to be in the right frame of mind?
Answering these questions and acting on them will empower you to find answers that will move you forward to being proactive in helping your loved one to recover, rather than being stuck in the past and asking yourself questions you may never find an answer to.
My clients tell me that letting go of the feeling of guilt can be a really difficult process but once they do, they find it is easier to move forward and work on issues such as ”How to remain positive” "How to be confident" and concentrate on being the best support.
- Embrace how things turn out rather than fight them. Even if you don’t like them, embracing them will make your life easier. Being stuck and dwelling on the past can leave you emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted, without getting any results.
- Look towards the future rather that the past.This can on the other hand be most helpful. All your energy and time that is saved on finding out “why”, can be applied to the most powerful question HOW, that will hugely benefit your loved one.
Over to you
What's your experience with asking How rather than Why? What are your thoughts?
Pass it on
Found this useful? PLEASE SHARE with others on Facebook / Twitter
If you would like to find out more about my one to one sessions and get empowered to give your child or teenager the best support, I would love to hear from you.