LETTING GO OF “WHY” WILL HELP YOUR LOVED ONE

The 1 Question You Need To Be Asking Yourself When Caring For Your Child

LETTING GO OF "WHY" WILL HELP YOUR LOVED ONE TOO

They tell you not to blame yourself as you didn’t cause your daughter's eating disorder.

You don’t expect anyone to understand. It doesn’t make sense. You keep going over it again and again, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly. You can’t help it. You’d rather not think about it anymore but that dreaded question keeps coming up time and time again: WHY?

Question mark

You are desperate for an answer. Neither doctors, nor specialists can give you a satisfying answer as the reasons are complex.

And you’ve tried to take that on board. But deep down you wonder if it was you after all? You are hoping that finding an answer will stop you wondering whether you had been a contributing factor...?

Is this driving you insane, asking a question you can never answer?

You are not alone, as I hear this from my clients in my one to one sessions time and time again, whose children are struggling with an eating disorder like anorexia, bulimia or Ednos.

Have you ever wondered how getting an answer would help you or your loved one?

Imagine you find out why. You get an answer. How would you know for sure that’s the right answer?

Let’s assume you get the right answer that tells you the reason of your child’s condition.

How and who would that help?

The truth is, we have no control over what happens to us but we have full control of what we do about it.

The 1 question you need to be asking right now is HOW:

How can I help my child / teenager?

How can I be the best support  for my child / teenager?

How do I look after myself to be in the right frame of mind?

Answering these questions and acting on them will empower you to find answers that will move you forward to being proactive in helping your loved one to recover, rather than being stuck in the past and asking yourself questions you may never find an answer to.

My clients tell me that letting go of the feeling of guilt can be a really difficult process but once they do, they find it is easier to move forward and work on issues such as ”How to keep strong” "How to stay confident" and concentrate on being the best support.

Remember to:

Mom walks with her daughter.

  1. Embrace how things turn out rather than fight them. By fighting them, you are giving them unnecessary time and energy . Even if you don’t like them, embracing them will make your life easier. Accept them as they are. Being stuck and dwelling on the past can leave you emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted, without the ability to make positive changes.
  2. Look towards the future rather that the past.This can on the other hand be most helpful. All your energy and time that is saved on finding out “why?” can be applied to the most powerfulquestion "HOW?" that will hugely benefit your loved one.

Over to you

What's your experience with asking How rather than Why? 

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If you have any questions or would like to find out more about "Your next step to supporting your loved one" complimentary session, I would love to hear from you.

Photo credit: the Italian voice / Foter /CC BY

eating disorders, eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, Ednos, angry teenagers, 

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